


Photosynthesis

by Altered_Karma



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: A Wee Bit Angsty/Emo as a result, Alternate Universe - Steven Universe Fusion, Canonical Character Death mentioned, DO NOT COPY, Digging into Fjord's insecurities maybe a little too much, GOSH, Gen, I can already picture just how chaotic a Nott and Jester fusion would be, I promise all of the side plots with Avantika and Yasha happened, Slight Canon Divergence, Spoilers through Campaign 2 72, They just don't get at the core of Fjord's issues, do not repost to another site, found family af
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:13:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29797263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Altered_Karma/pseuds/Altered_Karma
Summary: Fjord just plain isn't comfortable with fusing. Good for others, but he very much likes being in control of himself and alone in his head.No, it doesn't have anything to do with him being afraid. Not one bit.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay & Fjord, Fjord & Caleb Widogast, Fjord & The Mighty Nein
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20
Collections: Winter's Crest Exchange 2021





	Photosynthesis

The world is wrought with any number of mysterious magics, Fjord thinks as he watches Beau and the circus bouncer fuse and charge one of the undead abominations. 

Thunderstrike is a fearsome fusion, especially for one formed from two strangers. They’re lethal with fist and sword and larger than life, and one of the most cohesive fusions he’s ever seen. 

He doesn’t entertain any thoughts of doing the same, of course; he’s got too much he’d rather leave unsaid to risk fusing with any of the suspicious lot he’d found himself in the company of. Still, seeing the two-as-one women tear down the monsters where the rest of them had only been able to damage them from the sides has done more than enough to reaffirm just how terrifying of a power fusion is, even if it came at the cost of one’s privacy. 

The abominations fall quickly to their combined might, though none of them can figure out where the monsters came from, and spend the next little while on edge. 

When it’s clear that the danger has passed and the Crownsguard finally deign to show up, shouting arrest, Thunderstrike yelps and falls apart. Fjord might be the only one able to see Yasha glance at Beau in terror before she flees into the night. Beau, on the ground, simply looks dazed. 

The next few days are a whirlwind of investigations, shenanigans, and battles. The goblin, the tieflings, and the humans are all a strange, funny lot, and while he doesn’t trust any of them — except maybe Jester, who doesn’t appear to have a mean bone in her body — it’s nice to have people at his back when they take on the devil toad. 

When the dust settles, the demon has been killed, and their names have been cleared, the seven of them are left with a choice: to stay together or go their separate ways. Fjord knows what Jester and Beau plan on doing, but as for the rest of them…. 

All seven of them are loose cannons in the wind, with nowhere to go and nowhere to be but nowhere to stay, either. As it just so happens, that suits Fjord fine, and with little fuss they’re on their way toward the Soltryce Academy in Rexxentrum. 

They don’t fuse much. Molly and Yasha are a dazzling Squall, and their grace with three swords slays gnolls like a machine, voice hissing and booming with insults. Jester and Nott are, somehow, more chaotic when they’re Pie (“It’s P.I.E., Fjord! For Private Investigator Ebullient!”), and no better at solving mysteries together than they are when they’re separate. Even Beau gets over her squeamishness and fuses with Jester to make a devastating, well-rounded warrior in Ultramarine that misses nothing, both on and off the battlefield, even though they have precisely zero respect for authority.

But that’s all that really comes from their group, and even the new fusions aren’t all that stable. Fjord refuses every overture, and Caleb is the same, and the others don’t say anything about their reluctance, even if it does garner them a side-eye or four. They have an understanding, Fjord and Caleb, and Fjord knows well enough to leave someone like the wizard alone; he wants no part of that one’s ghosts. And of course, he has his magic and the eye that haunts his dreams on his mind, too, and he wants precisely none of that to get out.

Keeping them all at arms’ length is for the best. 

Only, Fjord gets distracted. They need money to move, and his companions are all too squirrelly and strange to do things above-board. Beau and Caleb are running from something, Nott is suspicious and sticky-fingered, Jester and Molly are chaotic and draw attention like nobody’s business, and Yasha, when she’s there, is the biggest question mark of all, quite literally. 

Nevertheless, the Mighty Nein is born in a small, backwater town, riding the high of defeating a small horde of gnolls and a Manticore. And then they do more. The Mighty Nein assists a small revolution, aligns themselves with a criminal by the name of the Gentleman, and when Xorhas attacks Zadash directly, sets off before the war can catch up with them.

Perhaps that was their first mistake, jumping into bed with the Gentlemen, because that’s when things go sour. 

(Or maybe, a small part of him separate from the Eye whispers, Fjord deciding to stick around this group of ragtag misfits with too many secrets between them was his first mistake.) 

Slavers. The Gentleman had them going up against slavers. As he’s grabbed and shoved into a cage with Yasha and Jester, the realization that they’re all far outmatched sits like an extra shackle on his heart. The remainder of the Mighty Nein doesn’t stand a chance. 

Fjord doesn’t remember much of his captivity, though his dreams tell a different story. The cacophonous sounds of heavy iron chains, the lashes, Jester’s voice murmuring reassurances even as their hopes for rescue fades. It sits like the storm in his memory, ominous and distant until it’s upon him and casting him below the waves. So yeah, he doesn’t try too hard to remember it either. 

And the memories are easy to ignore, because when the rest of the Mighty Nein breaks them out, Molly is dead. 

And in his place, is Caduceus Clay. 

Caduceus is a… weird fellow. Fjord, for all of his travels, has never met anyone so utterly unconcerned with how the world perceives him. For Fjord, who has spent his whole life masking and modifying himself to make others treat him like a person, this utter rejection of social norms  —  or maybe his way around them?  —  is as foreign as his mindset.

But he helps them grieve, and he helps them heal. And for right now, that’s more than enough. 

There are more fusions, now, sharp in contrast to before when the Nein couldn’t trust each other enough to share their minds and souls. 

Now, though, now they’re a hell of a lot closer. 

Even Caleb appears to have less trepidation, fusing with Nott and Beau in moments of turmoil, and after Dashilla’s lair it nearly becomes a reality for the two of them, as well; the blood ritual had almost fused them before they had realized and put a stop to it. Fjord’s caught Caleb considering him, some nights by the campfire. Nothing comes of it, because they’re both cowards in the worst way, but sometimes Fjord feels like there’s a glimmer of possibility there — one day.

He’s felt much the same with Beau, his right-hand woman on the Ball Eater; with Jester, a force of nature and sugar in her own right; even with Yasha, burning to protect something neither of them want to lose again. 

But for all that they’re slowly becoming a family, there are some things that Fjord just doesn’t want to share. And he can tell his reluctance to fuse with them hurts now, and he’s trapped because there isn’t anything he can do about it. He’s sure they discuss him, when he’s out of earshot, and that only makes the sting worse. 

Caduceus doesn’t have the same reservations; he fuses easily with the Nein, nearly from day one. Says it reminds him of the days when his family was still with him at the Grove. Sometimes it’s his way of bolstering his healing, or giving the other casters a hand with their spells. He once did it on a whim with Nott, who expressed interest in being seven feet tall on her own. Fusion doesn’t mean much to him, it seems, but he also doesn’t judge Fjord for his reticence. 

No, he does something considerably more annoying.

He  _ prods _ . 

Shortly after he joins them he asks the group at large, though something about the cant of his head says he’s speaking to Fjord more than anything, “I wonder if you’ve actually just found fusing distasteful? Because I think you’re just afraid of what you might be giving up by letting someone in. The illusion of control is a really nice thing to have, isn’t it?”

It’s rather out of the blue, but it’s also right on the nose, just as every word out of Caduceus’ mouth tends to be. His pink eyes are understanding in the most infuriating way, like he’s already figured out everything Fjord’s holding back, and it has this way of making his reluctance feel stupid.

Dammit, he’s not going to give in  _ now _ .

“What’s that mean, Caduceus?” Jester chirps. 

“Just wondering aloud. Nothing important.” 

Beau hums, though her workout routine doesn’t slow or cease in the slightest. “I dunno, ‘Deuces, kind of sounds like you’re throwing shade.” 

“The sun has gone down?” A beat, and then Nott snickers.

“That’s not — Nevermind.” Beau glances surreptitiously at Caleb, then meets Fjord’s eyes. 

Fjord doesn’t like the question. It’s obvious, right? He’s got these weird powers and this mysterious patron that he knows next to nothing about, and a shabby past behind him. He’s… nothing, before the Nein and some mysterious entity taking pity on him, but they don’t know that, and they don’t need to know that; he’s done well enough to hide the weak parts of himself. If they realize that he’s a liar and a fraud, well, there’s every possibility that he’ll get left behind again. He doesn’t want that, not now that he’s found — well. 

He’s found control in this life he’s built. So what if he doesn’t want to give that up?

If staying with the Nein means proving himself strong and not fusing to keep his secrets, well, Caduceus and his Wildmother can just leave him be. He’s not missing out on fusing anyways; just because it’s natural doesn’t mean it has to have anything to do with him. He’s managed well enough alone without any of that fusion business, even if his doubtful heart creeps up on him late at night. 

He’s thankful that Caduceus doesn’t seem to judge him for his reticence, even if he’s trying to pull him away from it. 

And the thing is, he’d tried fusing before, back when he was small and stumpy. Granted, he hadn’t been particularly close to the kid, but they hadn’t ever fought. 

It just, hadn’t been anything special, nothing like how the rest of the Nein talked about fusion. 

He doesn’t even think their fusion had had a name. It had mostly just felt like Fjord’s body had been taken over by someone else, and he’d hated not having control so much that he tore himself out of the fusion. 

Avantika had been an unpleasant reminder of his insignificance. He still wakes up at night drowning in seawater, and of late he’s been sleeping less and less out of fear of his nightmares. It’s probably the sleep deprivation that drives him to the edge of that lava pool, and it’s fear that sends that sword into the lava. Fear of being controlled and used.

He stands there, shocked at his own actions, before stumbling back because…

What now?

He reaches for the magic that had brought him this far, and there’s nothing there now. He’s no good to the Nein without his powers, which feel unreachable to him now. He can’t hope to stay with them when he can’t even defend himself. 

He doesn’t know what to do, or who to go to— no, wait, he does. 

Because Caduceus, Caduceus would never judge him, not for this. 

He steps as quietly as he can and wakes the Firbolg, drawing him outside. He can still feel his heart pumping with panic and his lifeblood still spilling down his front. 

The Firbolg wakes with a grunt, and with a gesture heals Fjord’s chest. It still hurts, but it’s much duller now. “Come one, let’s get you somewhere else.”

Caduceus shuffles him away from the others, towards one of the small storage rooms. He helps Fjord settle against the boxes. “What was that about, then?” 

Fjord gasps, as the pain throbs in his chest. “I threw the sword into the lava.”

“Your sword?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“I don’t like being a hostage.” Not even to the being that had saved his life. 

Caduceus watches him with that careful gaze. “And how do you feel now?”

“I don’t know. That was kind of all I had, and I just threw it into the lava.

“Well, I don’t know about that… You’ve—” 

Fjord’s on a roll now, though, and he’s got a lot of doubts that he needs to say. It’s kind of now or never. “I just gave up my powers, Caduceus! I just gave up the thing that made me…”

“Made you powerful?”

“No! Well, kinda. Made me useful.”

“I don’t think so, Fjord. You’re more than some dark magic and a cursed blade, and you’re more important to us than that. No, even disregarding us, you’re worth more than that.” 

Fjord doesn’t say anything. He can picture the pitying glances and the over-defensiveness already. Molly and Yasha had majorly fucked them up, and now more than ever they had so little to lose. And here he’s gone and potentially taken one more person from them. 

“You don’t believe me, do you?”

No, Fjord doesn’t. He’s only just gotten a sense of self and confidence with the Nein, and that’s revolved entirely around him being a leader and a fighter. Without that, what reason, what  _ right _ does he have to remain with them?

“Hm.” Caduceus observes Fjord for a long, unblinking moment, so long that he starts shifting uncomfortably. He’s almost afraid to hear what Caduceus is going to say, because doubtless it’s going to be something he can’t refute. 

“Why are you tying your worth to what you can do for us?”

And there it is. Fjord almost feels like he’s been slapped, and unbidden, tears begin welling in his eyes. 

But Caduceus isn’t done. “Why do you feel like we’re using you? Like you aren’t good enough for us? You’ve kept us all at arms length and I may be late to the party, but it doesn’t seem like you’ve shared much with any of us.” Caduceus sighs, and his head droops a little bit. “And because you keep yourself so closed off, you can’t see what we’re trying to share with you. Which is that we’re proud of you and we don’t care about what you can do for us, because  _ you  _ are enough.”

Fjord can’t believe it, not in any way that matters. Because even if that’s true, and he really, truly does want to believe it fully, he’s still powerless now, and he can’t stay with them while being a hammer. 

Caduceus watches his face for a moment more. “I can see you don’t believe me. So how about I show you? You’re more than just an asset and a liability to us, and I think it’s about time you accepted that for yourself.” He says nothing more, and instead holds out a hand.

His question is clear,  _ will you fuse with me? _

He’s never asked before. Since day one, Caduceus has had a good grasp of the group’s boundaries, so he asked those who were fine and left Caleb, Fjord, and Beau alone. But it’s clear he’s always seen the shallow denial of fusion in Fjord’s eyes, the curiosity he’s gotten over the months of watching the Nein fuse time and again, sometimes simply for fun. It had seemed like a burden as a child, but now? 

Except, Fjord’s gone and made himself a hammer that there’s no merit in fusing with. He’s literally just tossed any merit he had in fusion into a pool of boiling steel. Fjord now has no shackles, but he’s got no purpose, either. So how Could Caduceus want to fuse with him now?

Caduceus holds his hand out patiently, eyes locked on Fjord’s face. Maybe he feels like Fjord is ready. 

Maybe Fjord is. He’s already let go of plenty tonight. What’s one more? 

And it’s Caduceus. Who could possibly be a safer first choice? 

He takes the hand that’s held out to him, and steps in. He finally lets go of Vandran’s voice, and takes up his own. “Fair warning, my chest still hurts.” 

“That’s fine. All of that should go away.” And then gently, Caduceus starts stepping them around the room.

It doesn’t take long; there’s a fizziness that starts at the bottom of his feet that bubbles and floats upwards, until he isn’t just Fjord and Caduceus isn’t just Caduceus. 

They open their eyes, and take in the room.

They’re only a bit taller now, but it makes the whole room feel cramped. They make their way and start trying to remember how to leave. They have light green skin that’s furred heavily in some places, like the back of their four arms and on their chest. Their hair hangs chest length in front of them, awash with pinks and greys and the occasional sprinkle of pepper black. They feel... good.

_ This isn’t so bad, is it? _ They hear the little space that Caduceus alone occupies in their shared mindscape whisper to him. 

_ It’s very… peaceful. _ Fjord whispers back. He feels strong and secure in their skin, like any mean-spirited words could roll right off their back. And the more he immerses himself in the fusion’s mindset, the less he feels powerless. 

They’re built to protect and support their friends, after all. 

They finally pick a direction and wander down the hall in pursuit of some actual fresh air. The false dawn has begun, and the night sky is gradually lightening. 

Fortitude takes a deep breath, and feels the fresh air fill them and rejuvenate them. It feels both like the first time and the thousandth time they’ve done this, and it reminds them to be grateful for their life. The Wildmother’s bounty sprawls before them, and it’s hard not to appreciate all of her hard work.

The little compartment within them that is still Fjord spends a long time basking in the rightness of the connection. This is nothing like the fusion he’d made as a kid; he is in control here, he just shares the reins with Caduceus, who’s entirely content to let Fjord run this show. But there are many things Caduceus has to show him, and if he likes they can all start right here. 

Fjord would like that.

They end up watching the dawn brighten the sky above the forge, taking in the magnificence, and eventually the rest of the Nein wanders out to find them. They turn to the group and patiently wait for the Nein’s reaction. It seems like, for a moment, none of them realize who it is that’s sitting before them. The fusion grins when they see Beau giving them a defensive once-over before her jaw drops.

Naturally, Jester is the first to speak. Her eyes go wide, and Fortitude’s face tries to pull into both a smile and a grimace. “Oh. My.  _ Gosh _ , you guys, Fjord fused! Fjord and Caduceus fused  _ ohmygosh I wanna fuse too _ ! What’s your name?”

It’s only Beau’s quick arm around her stomach that prevents Jester from launching herself at Fortitude and fusing with them. The resulting tumble flares brightly, and Ultramarine lays sprawled out giggling quietly to herself. “That’s awesome, dude!”

Fortitude chuckles. “We are called Fortitude. Nice to finally meet all of you; I hope we’ll meet again too.”

Nott hums thoughtfully. “Is there a ‘j’ in there?”

Caleb chuckles, though his eyes still scan Fortitude shrewdly. “Fee-jortitude?”

Fortitude feels his indignation well up, mostly from Fjord’s corner. “Hey now, that’s an unnecessary butchering of our name, dontcha think?”

“It seems like you can take it. But perhaps the four of you would like to unfuse and join us for breakfast?” Caleb’s dry tone cuts the silliness off. With a nod, Ultramarine separates, Jester held firmly dipped in Beau’s arms. 

Trepidation shoots through them as Fjord realizes that he has to face them sometime. 

_ They’re our friends; you know that you can trust them. _ And connected as they are, Caduceus isn’t able to lie to him. Hell, Fjord can’t even lie to himself. 

He spends just one moment more basking in being this comfortable in his skin, before gently pulling himself away from Caduceus. 

The two of them reform with Fjord’s arm thrown over Caduceus’ shoulder, which he’s quick to pull back. He sends Caduceus a look that he hopes goes a small way towards expressing his gratitude, then turns back to the Nein. “I’m sorry,” he says, still in his own accent.

He can see Nott’s ears twitch, and stops her before she can comment. “I’m tired of lying and pretending to be someone I’m not. So, here I am, swordless.” He throws his arms open, and hears gasps. Oh, right, his front must still be covered in blood. Whoops. 

“Fjord! Oh my GOSH are you  _ okay _ ?!”

“I’m fine, I’m fine, I just had an unfriendly departure from the eye.”

“Uk’otoa’s not going to be happy about that, man.”

“Well, he can go suck a squid for all I care. I’m done.”

“Does that mean that you’re powerless, though?” 

He really should have known better, though. Him being a liar, him being powerless, none of that matters to the Nein. They give him the things he needs to keep fighting beside them, and then start complaining loudly about breakfast. 

He’s never going to want to travel with another group of people. 

Caduceus holds him back for just a second, and whispers in Fjord’s ear as the others head back into the forge. “See? You’re not done yet. There are great things in your future Fjord. You’ve just taken the first step.” He claps him on the shoulder and steps inside.

Fjord takes one last glance at the sunrise, takes a deep breath, and follows.

The sun is especially bright, this morning.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there, Dyowo (Fjord's Trophy Husband)! I was your Winter's Crest Gifter!
> 
> I wrote about four or five different ideas before I was happy with one! I really like the idea of putting Steven Universe Fusions into a canon world -- might actually be the only way to get me to write canon-based fic. I was heavily inspired by aloneintherain's BNHA fic in this same vein; y'all should go read that if you like the series! 
> 
> This was a lot of fun, and there were many points where I had to stop myself from going into too much detail. 
> 
> And hey, if you like the premise, feel free to write this! I'd love to see more of this particular AU! You can find me on [Tumblr](https://altered-karma.tumblr.com) or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ng_karma_speaks?s=09) to let me know if you write something in this AU!
> 
> Quick List:   
> Fortitude: Fjord & Caduceus  
> Thunderstrike: Yasha & Beau  
> Ultramarine: Beau & Jester  
> P.I.E. "Private Investigator Ebulliant": Jester & Nott  
> Squall: Molly & Yasha


End file.
